Giant Pit Bull Hulk's $500,000 Puppy Litter

FUNNY BLONDE CAR JOKE

A blonde pushes her car into a gas station one day.

She tells the mechanic it just died as she was driving along.

The mechanic works on it and soon has the engine idling smoothly.

The blonde asks him, “So, what’s the story?”

The mechanic says, “Just crap in the carburettor.”

The blonde asks, “Okay, how often do I have to do that?”


THREE BLONDES JOKE

There are these three blondes stood on one side of the river one day, wondering how they’re going to get across to the other side.

The first blonde, in desperation, begins to pray, “God please make me smart enough to get across this river.”

God hears this and turns her into a brunette and she swims across the river.

The second blonde then also starts to pray, saying, “Dear God, please make me twice as smart as the last girl so I can get across this river.”

So God turns her into a redhead and she builds a boat and rows across the river.

The third blonde, seeing this, also start to pray. She says, “Dear God, please make me twice as smart as both of those women combined.”

So God turns her into a man and she walks across the bridge.

Super hero cats protecting and defending compilation 2015

The Banana Peel and the Slipper

Once there was a very snobbish lady named Gertrude who always wore yellow slippers.They were covered in rhinestones & they were made of plush velvet,She used to wear flip flops, until one day she stubbed her toe and the tip came off. So after that she started wearing slippers to hide her toe. She found the slippers at a thrift store for $2.65 plus tax. She also found a nightgown for $1.99, which she wore everywhere. Even to Walmart. One day, on her way into Walmart, the door greeter complimented her yellow slippers and asked her where she got them.She said she got them at an auction, for $6000 because they used to belong to Whoopie Goldberg.Yes,Gertrude was not only a snob, but a pathological liar.Her personality was about as unattractive as her name.
Well, as she continued toward the produce department, she git her usual load of mini cucumbers (she loved to make pickles). She also got some olive loaf,a new set of toenail clippers,Dr.Shoal’s foot powder,onions,a few cans of beans,air freshener,& some toilet paper.
Anyway,Gertrude was so used to people looking at her shoes, that she got very conceited about it. She started thinking she was better than everyone else..especially since everyone thought that Whoopie Goldberg used to own them, & that she paid top dollar for them.

Ridiculous cats mating and fighting 2016 ( Loudly )

A FATHER'S LAST REQUEST

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A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.
The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."
With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."


LAST MUSICAL REQUEST

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The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.

As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead.

The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall... ."


MIKE RICCA: PORTRAYING ITALIANS

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You see all these mafia movies; Italians are always portrayed as angry, violent people. That's not right. As far as we Italians are concerned -- hey, listen, we don't hurt people, but people get hurt, you know? Accidents happen! You walk outside, trip and fall on an ice pick, six or seven times, you know? Right away, they blame Vinny. That's not right.

Furious Cats Attacking Dogs!!!

RIDDLE: THE MAN

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A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor. Every morning, on the way to work, he takes the elevator all the way down to the 1st floor. But when he comes home, he takes the elevator to the 8th floor and walks the rest of the way up. The only exception is when it's raining. Why?
The man's a midget, and can't reach the buttons. When it's raining, he has his umbrella with him, so he can reach the 15 button with it.

MICHAEL COLYAR: ON THE L.A. RIOTS

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All my friends, we was ready for the second riot. No, not like the first one, where we were just grabbing stuff at random -- it wouldn't be like that. I've got a thousand boxes of Pampers; I don't know what I'm going to do with it. No, no, this time we had a list. We were going to get the stuff we need. Everybody on my block has bought a U-Haul.


MARK BRAZILL: L.A. RIOTS

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I'll tell you how bad it was in Los Angeles during the riots -- people were actually flooding into Tijuana. That's how bad it was.


ROBOT BOOTY CALL... ANGEL

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Am I dead, Angel? Because this must be Heaven. Of course, I am a machine and therefore do not experience death.

Cat Attacks a Chow Chow Dog | Stray Dog Attacks a Feral Cat

ROGER RITTENHOUSE: FIVE PACKS A DAY
I've got a friend who smokes five packs a day. He has to wear nicotine slacks. He says he's afraid to quit because he might get heavy. If he doesn't quit, there will be six friends going, 'Boy, he is heavy.'


RODNEY LANEY: EMERGENCY ROOM
And let me tell you something -- if you go to the emergency room and you've got a knife still stuck in your head, you go to the front of the line. You're next. 'Excuse me. I ain't got time to fill out no forms.'


SABRINA MATTHEWS: REFUSING AIRPLANE RESTROOMS
I refuse to go to the bathroom on an airplane because if I'm gonna die in a cartwheeling ball of flames, it is not gonna be in a flying outhouse with my pants around my ankles.

BILL SANTIAGO: ASS-KICKING FROM JESUS
One time, I got beat up by a kid named Jesus. And when you're seven, you can't tell the difference between Jesus, typical Puerto Rican name in your neighborhood, and Jesus, the actual savior. So I was walking around all confused -- you know, guilty. What had I done that the Lord would send his only begotten son down to Brooklyn to kick my ass?

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ROBERT SCHIMMEL: IDENTIFIED BY DENTAL RECORDS
You know what's weird about plane crashes is that you watch it on the news and they say the people have to be identified by their dental records. 'Cause if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

DAVID FELDMAN: GRANDMOTHER IN MEDICAL SCHOOL
My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school. She's a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest.

ERIC KORNFELD: ALL THE KIDS AT SCHOOL
I wouldn't go to school. I thought all the kids at school were going to beat me up, which is absurd. They couldn't all beat me up -- someone had to hold me down.

LESTER BARRIE: HATED TO SEE MY MOTHER COMING
I got whupped so much, sometimes I hated to see my mother coming. I'm having fun with my brothers, my sisters, my friends -- my mother pulls up, and I'm thinking, 'Dang! Why she keep coming here? Can't she just drop off the food and stay at work?'

KJELL BJORGEN: ATTENTION-SEEKING KIDS
When they're nine years old, they have an attention-seeking constitution that is relentless... Honestly, it makes you want to drive drunk on Halloween. Look at Superman fly!