A man walks into work with two black eyes. His boss asks what happened.
The man says, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asks.
"Well," the man says, "I figured she preferred it in the crack, so I pushed it back in."
TY BARNETT: FROM CHICAGO
I tell people, 'Yeah, I'm from Chicago -- what's up?' 'Gasp! What street gang were you in?' I'm like, 'What the hell make you think I got that kind of dedication and team spirit?'
TORIAN HUGHES: SONGS DON'T MAKE US DO ANYTHING
Songs are not going to make us do anything we would not ordinarily do. Because if that was the case, the song 'Achy Breaky Heart' would have made me kill somebody about a year ago.
VAL KAPPA: ACCIDENT NOTE
I got my driver's license when I was 16. And the day I got it, I was driving my car through a parking lot -- I hit a parked car. Normally when you do that, you're supposed to put a note on the car that says, 'Whoops, sorry.' But my note said something different; it said, 'You know you wanted it.'
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