If my dad could see me up here now he'd be very impressed. But you know, I'm sure wherever my dad is now, he would be looking down on us. He's not dead just very condescending.
THE UNCONCERNED WIDOW
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
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