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Cats are simply the funniest and most hilarious pets, they make us laugh all the time! Hope you like our compilation - Funny Cat 2017. Thanks for watching!
"LET us write a book," they said;
“but what shall it be about ?"
"A fairy story," said the elder sister.
" A book about kings and queens," said the other.
"Oh, no," said the brother, "let's write about animals."
"We will write about them all," they cried together. So they put the paper, and pens, and ink ready. The elder sister took up a fairy story and looked at it, and put it down again.
"I have never known any fairies," she said, "except in books; but, of course, it would not do to put one book inside another anyone could do that."
"I shall not begin to-day," the little one said, “for I must know a few kings and queens before I write about them, or I may say something foolish."
"I shall write about the pig, and the pony, and the white rabbit," said the brother; "but first I must think a bit. It would never do to write a book without thinking."
Then the elder sister took up the fairy story again, to see how many things were left out, for those, she thought, would do to go into her book.
The little one said to herself, "Really, it is no good thinking about kings and queens until I have known some, so I must wait;" and while the brother was considering about the pig, and the pony, and the white rabbit, he fell asleep.
So the book is not written yet, but when it is we shall know a great deal.
Bill is putting his young daughter to bed one night and as he walks out the bedroom door he hears her saying her prayers. She says, “God bless mommy, daddy, and grandma, rest in peace grandpa.”
Bill rushes back into her bedroom and asks her, “Why did you say the last part?” His daughter replies, “Because I needed to.” The next day, grandpa dies of a heart attack. Bill is worried about his daughter but thinks, “It must just be a sad coincidence.”
That night he tucks his daughter into bed again and once again he hears her saying her prayers. She says, “God bless mommy and daddy, rest in peace grandma.” Bill is now really worried and thinking to himself, “Can my daughter really see into the future?” The next day, grandma dies and now Bill is convinced his daughter can predict the future.
For the rest of the week nothing happens, but on the Sunday night as Bill leaves his daughter’s bedroom he waits outside and listens for any more prayers. Sure enough, he hears her say, “God bless you mommy, rest in peace daddy.” Now Bill is really panicking and thinking, ‘”Oh God, I’m going to die tomorrow!”
The following day Bill is in a complete mess all day in work; a real nervous wreck. He constantly checks the clock, looks around the room and is on edge all the time expecting to die at any moment. He is so nervous that he doesn’t leave the office until it’s past midnight. Once it turns midnight he says to himself with relief, “How is this possible? I should be dead!” He goes home and walks into the house to find his wife sitting on the sofa with a scared look on her face. She asks him, “Where have you been? What took you so long?”
Bill replies, “Listen honey, today I haven’t had the best of days” and he is just about to tell her what has happened when she starts crying and bursts out, “I saw the mailman die yesterday!”
On a hot summer day, a Bald Man was sitting in his sweet shop. A lot of flies were buzzing around the tasty, tempting sweets to sit on them.
The Man thought to himself, ‘I must not let any fly sit on the sweets or my sweets will get spoilt and then who would buy them?’ So, he constantly moved his hands left and right and up and down to fly them away.
A Fly saw this and sat on the bald head of the Man and bit it.
The Bald Man got out and slapped his head in order to kill the Fly. The Fly at once flew from the Man’s head and said mockingly, “Stupid Man! You tried to kill me for just biting you. Look! You hurt yourself by slapping your own head hard.”
The Man said to the Fly, “I did not hit myself intentionally, so I am not feeling bad. But you are a very bad Fly. You suck human-blood and trouble them for no reason. I am ready to suffer a bigger loss than hitting myself if I can just kill you!”
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response. So, the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again, there is no response.
So, he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
So, I've been temping at the job that laid me off. And that's awkward because everybody knows I got canned, and they think I've come back to shoot them.
ELIZ WRIGHT: AFTER ALL THAT
If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped -- suicide is not one of my thoughts. I'm thinking maybe homicide.
GARY LAZER: MISSING NEW YORK'S SUBWAYS
I miss New York. I miss the subways, believe it or not. So, what I do is I have a tape recording of just the sound of the subway, and every morning, I get up, I go into my closet, I close the door, I put the tape on, and I just hang there with my clothes for a while. Then I turn to my overcoat, and I go, 'No, you shut up, pal, alright?' Then I stab myself a few times, and I feel like I'm home.
JEFF STILSON: FROM SEATTLE TO NEW YORK CITY
I moved here about 13 years ago from Seattle, Washington. I left a city that has a high suicide rate for a city that has a high homicide rate. I guess I'm just not a 'do-it-yourself' kind of person.
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I think we know when they're happy; we know when they're crying; we know when they're pissed off. We have no idea what order those are gonna come at us. That's why we don't allow women in combat -- 'cause they'd win.
THE DEACON'S LAST WORDS
A deacon is in the hospital and his good friend, a preacher, goes to visit him.
The preacher notices all the medical equipment attached to the deacon. He kneels by the bed.
The deacon motions to a pad and pen on the nightstand. The preacher hands his friend the pad and pen, and the deacon begins to write. Suddenly, the deacon dies.
At his funeral, the preacher delivers the service. He says, "I was with him when he died, and as a matter of fact, I have his last thought in my coat pocket here."
The preacher pulls out the paper and reads, "Please, get up. You're kneeling on my oxygen hose."
WORKING ON THE FOURTH HUSBAND
A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He also ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
Cats are simply the funniest and most hilarious pets, they make us laugh all the time! Just look how all these cats & kittens play, fail, get along with dogs and other animals, get scared, make funny sounds, get angry,... So ridiculous, funny and cute! What is your favourite clip? :) Hope you like our compilation, please share it and SUBSCRIBE! Watch also our other videos!
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MUSIC USED:
"Monkeys Spinning Monkeys" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b...
