Ridiculous cats mating and fighting 2016 ( Loudly )

A FATHER'S LAST REQUEST

PreviousNext
A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.
The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."
With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."


LAST MUSICAL REQUEST

PreviousNext
The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.

As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead.

The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall... ."


MIKE RICCA: PORTRAYING ITALIANS

PreviousNext
You see all these mafia movies; Italians are always portrayed as angry, violent people. That's not right. As far as we Italians are concerned -- hey, listen, we don't hurt people, but people get hurt, you know? Accidents happen! You walk outside, trip and fall on an ice pick, six or seven times, you know? Right away, they blame Vinny. That's not right.

Furious Cats Attacking Dogs!!!

RIDDLE: THE MAN

PreviousNext
A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor. Every morning, on the way to work, he takes the elevator all the way down to the 1st floor. But when he comes home, he takes the elevator to the 8th floor and walks the rest of the way up. The only exception is when it's raining. Why?
The man's a midget, and can't reach the buttons. When it's raining, he has his umbrella with him, so he can reach the 15 button with it.

MICHAEL COLYAR: ON THE L.A. RIOTS

PreviousNext
All my friends, we was ready for the second riot. No, not like the first one, where we were just grabbing stuff at random -- it wouldn't be like that. I've got a thousand boxes of Pampers; I don't know what I'm going to do with it. No, no, this time we had a list. We were going to get the stuff we need. Everybody on my block has bought a U-Haul.


MARK BRAZILL: L.A. RIOTS

PreviousNext
I'll tell you how bad it was in Los Angeles during the riots -- people were actually flooding into Tijuana. That's how bad it was.


ROBOT BOOTY CALL... ANGEL

PreviousNext
Am I dead, Angel? Because this must be Heaven. Of course, I am a machine and therefore do not experience death.

Cat Attacks a Chow Chow Dog | Stray Dog Attacks a Feral Cat

ROGER RITTENHOUSE: FIVE PACKS A DAY
I've got a friend who smokes five packs a day. He has to wear nicotine slacks. He says he's afraid to quit because he might get heavy. If he doesn't quit, there will be six friends going, 'Boy, he is heavy.'


RODNEY LANEY: EMERGENCY ROOM
And let me tell you something -- if you go to the emergency room and you've got a knife still stuck in your head, you go to the front of the line. You're next. 'Excuse me. I ain't got time to fill out no forms.'


SABRINA MATTHEWS: REFUSING AIRPLANE RESTROOMS
I refuse to go to the bathroom on an airplane because if I'm gonna die in a cartwheeling ball of flames, it is not gonna be in a flying outhouse with my pants around my ankles.

BILL SANTIAGO: ASS-KICKING FROM JESUS
One time, I got beat up by a kid named Jesus. And when you're seven, you can't tell the difference between Jesus, typical Puerto Rican name in your neighborhood, and Jesus, the actual savior. So I was walking around all confused -- you know, guilty. What had I done that the Lord would send his only begotten son down to Brooklyn to kick my ass?

♦♦ Furious cats attacking dogs ♦♦

ROBERT SCHIMMEL: IDENTIFIED BY DENTAL RECORDS
You know what's weird about plane crashes is that you watch it on the news and they say the people have to be identified by their dental records. 'Cause if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

DAVID FELDMAN: GRANDMOTHER IN MEDICAL SCHOOL
My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school. She's a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest.

ERIC KORNFELD: ALL THE KIDS AT SCHOOL
I wouldn't go to school. I thought all the kids at school were going to beat me up, which is absurd. They couldn't all beat me up -- someone had to hold me down.

LESTER BARRIE: HATED TO SEE MY MOTHER COMING
I got whupped so much, sometimes I hated to see my mother coming. I'm having fun with my brothers, my sisters, my friends -- my mother pulls up, and I'm thinking, 'Dang! Why she keep coming here? Can't she just drop off the food and stay at work?'

KJELL BJORGEN: ATTENTION-SEEKING KIDS
When they're nine years old, they have an attention-seeking constitution that is relentless... Honestly, it makes you want to drive drunk on Halloween. Look at Superman fly!

Startled Cats Compilation

SENSITIVE BEER

Three hicks were working on a telephone tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.

Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'."

She said, "No, I'm not a widow!"

And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.

TOP Funny Cat and Dog Dancing and Singing in the World - Mkls

LUCKY BREAKS & CRYING SHAMES

Q: What is the definition of a "lucky break"?

A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

A: There was an empty seat.

RONDELL SHERIDAN: GAMBLING

People always get mad at the dealers. It's not the dealer's fault; it's random luck that they dealt the cards to you. You know, my guy was trying to be good. He's like, 'Hey man, you get 'em next time.' I just lost $2,000! I'm like, 'Yeah, I'll have a gun next time. We'll be playing a new game.'

JIM SHORT: JIM MORRISON'S GRAVESITE IN FRANCE

They were tired because they had to go every day and clean up the grave, clean up condoms and beer cans and bottles, needles, trash all over the place. That's what's so cool -- when you're getting kicked out for partying, and you've been dead since 1971.

ON THE CROCODILE HUNTER

The snake jumps up to bite him; he blocks it away. He looks up and he goes, 'Oh, he's grumpy today.' Yeah, he's grumpy because you're banging him in the head with a stick. That's the number one cause of grumpiness.

Funniest Animal Vine Compilation Of April 2016

Funny Animals, Funny Animals Fails, Animals Fails, funny cats, funny dog

Funny Animals, Funny Animals Fails, Animals Fails, funny cats, funny dog

➤Try Not To Laugh Challenge IMPOSSIBLE ✦ HARDEST VERSION ✦ TRY NOT TO LA...

SOLUTION TO THE GANG PROBLEM

It gives me a solution to this whole inner city gang problem that we seem to be having. I just got to get some people behind me, right? I think we need about 20 or 25 grandmothers, give them all belts and do one big drive-by whupping on these kids.

BILL SANTIAGO: SPECIFIC ETHNIC REALITY

Your specific reality depends on where your people come from, right? For example, Mexicans get shot trying to get into this country, Cubans get shot trying to get out of their own country, Puerto Ricans get shot just for trying to have a country.

LOU DIMAGGIO: SPERMICIDE

The word 'spermicide' sounds like something sperms would do as a last resort. 'I'm not going out there anymore. I can't take it.'

ADULT SOFT SPOTS

I think God made a mistake, though. He should have left us all with soft spots. Then we'd all be a little more vulnerable and maybe nicer to each other. You wouldn't be so quick to infringe in someone's freedom if they could just boink ya and kill ya.

Funny videos - Funny animals - Funny pranks - Try not to laugh or grin -...

MIKE MACDONALD: ROCK STAR INFLUENCE

The idea of a rock star making your child kill themselves is so ludicrous. I've enjoyed rock 'n' roll since I was a kid. When I was a kid, I worshiped The Beatles. I thought the Beatles were gods, but if they were to come up to me, personally, and said, 'You know, Paulie, George, Ringo and I were thinking you should kill yourself.' It's like, 'Yeah, I think there's a new Stones album out right now.'

SATANIC STARBUCKS

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity. 

The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn''t even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on. 

The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn''t want that room, and they moved on. 

The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right. 


The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Time for another 10,000 push-ups!"

TRY NOT TO LAUGH-Funny Animals Fails Compilation 2016 (Part 5)

TRY NOT TO LAUGH-Funny Animals Fails Compilation 2016 (Part 5)
Funny Animals, Funny Animals Fails, Animals Fails, funny cats, funny dog

World's funniest cats and their best moments - Funny cat compilation

KENNY ROGERSON: SUICIDE SURPRISE

Last Thursday, there's an ambulance outside my house, loading a body in. So, I go up to the cop at the door and say, 'What's going on?' He says, 'Looks like your wife committed suicide.' I'm thinking, 'Oh great. Right before the weekend.' So I go down to the morgue to identify her body, and I spend half the day there browsing. The morgue guy pulls up the tray, pulls back the sheet, and I said, 'Yeah, that's her.' All of a sudden, he starts laughing. I said, 'What's so funny?' Next thing I know, the lights come on, she pops up -- 'Surprise! Happy Birthday!' I couldn't believe I fell for that two years in a row.

REMINDED OF AN EX-GIRLFRIEND

I got in this elevator earlier, and I ended up standing next to this woman who smelled just like my ex-girlfriend, the same perfume or something. It's neat how an aroma can make you think of something else. So, I'm strangling this woman....

MY DOG DON'T BITE

A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.

"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks.

The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope."

As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"


The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."

Cats are the kings of animal comedy - Funny cat compilation

STEVE MARMEL: MICHAEL KENNEDY

I'd love to have some sympathy for what happened to Michael Kennedy, but I can't because sometimes bad things happen to bad people. When you get away with having sex with your 14-year-old babysitter, maybe you should hide from God for a little bit. Don't go tempting him by skiing and playing football at the same time.

JEFF STILSON: PUTTING A PET TO SLEEP

It's never easy putting a pet to sleep. That's why we say things like, 'We decided to put Fluffy out of his misery.' No, what you decided was that Fluffy's company isn't worth $500.

STOP OR SLOW DOWN

A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over.

The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?"

The man says, "I slowed down."

The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"

MIKE MACDONALD: SUING OZZY OSBOURNE

Ozzy Osbourne is being sued for $3 million because, apparently, this boy's parents believe their boy was killed due to a song by Ozzy Osbourne, called 'Suicide Solution.' You have to admit -- off the top -- it doesn't look good for Ozzy. I'm sure his agent is going, 'Well, why don't you just call it, "Kill Yourself So Your Parents Can Sue Us"?'

The funniest and most hilarious ANIMAL videos #1 - Funny animal compilat...

ANDRE KELLEY: ADULT TABLE

This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.

AN ODD TALE

There was once a man named Odd. People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.

Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."

FROG TALK

A grandson runs up to his grandfather and asks him if he can talk like a frog.
"Of course not," says the grandfather.
A few minutes later, his granddaughter asks him the same question.
"No, of course not. Why are you both asking me this?"

The granddaughter replies, "Dad said that when you croak, we can go to Disneyland."

LOUIS RAMEY: TEXANS

They don't apologize for anything. You got a lot of guns around here? 'Yeah!' OK, that's not the response I was looking for. I hear you execute a lot of people too? 'Yeah!' Alright, I'm outta here.

THREE NUNS GET QUIZZED IN HEAVEN

Three nuns die and go to heaven, but all must answer one question to get in.

The first nun is asked, "Who was the first man on Earth?" She says, "Adam." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.

The second nun is asked, "Who was the first woman on Earth?" She says, "Eve." Lights flash and the gates open.

The third nun is asked, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" Puzzled, the nun is says, "Hmmm, that's a hard one." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.

Animals are so funny they should be called funnymals ★ Funny animal com...

THREE EXPLORERS CHOOSE THEIR DEATHS

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.

The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head, says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.

The chief screams, "What are you doing?"

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, a**hole!"

Cats Acting Like Humans - video drôles animaux

TIREDNESS CAN KILL

I saw a sign on the side of the road the other day that said, 'Tiredness can kill.' I didn't know that. Last Saturday, I stayed up all night watching movies. I could have died.

EVAN DAVIS: BUREAU OF ALCOHOL, TOBACCO AND FIREARMS

We have a Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. Why'd we put them together? I called them up. 'Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.' I said, 'Yeah, what bourbon goes with an M-16?'

NOT A CONFRONTATIONAL GUY

I'm not a confrontational guy. I don't like confrontation. I don't know if you can tell, but I have the build of a victim.

TOM CLARK: SELF-DEFENSE BOOK

I was almost mugged, but luckily, I had picked up a book on self-defense. Well, I thought it was a book on self-defense, but it turned out to be the 'Kama Sutra,' which is like a lovemaking book. Yeah, I didn't know that. Let me just say this -- that mugger didn't know what hit him.

Cats Acting Like Humans - video drôles animaux

Real Life Heroes - Animal Helps And Saves Others Animal - Try To Watch This Without Crying

Funny Cats Vines Compilation (14 minutes) - New Funny cat vines Best of ...

TONY STONE: COOL PILOT

We were flying into San Francisco. There was a lot of turbulence; everybody started freaking out. The pilot was cool. He handled it beautifully: 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. It appears we're going to be about, oh, four or five miles short on our approach into San Francisco this morning. We've asked the stewardesses to go ahead and cancel some of those car reservations for you. Please feel free to get up and move around the cabin, or smoke. I don't think it makes much difference at this point. You people on the right are going to get a real nice view of the bay coming up there pretty quick. People on the left are going to get a pretty good view of the people on the right. By the way, for you swimmers on board, the water temperature is a brisk 63 degrees. Those of you who don't swim, thanks for flying the United way.'


HEALTHCARE IS TOO EXPENSIVE

Healthcare in America is too expensive, ain't it? It's too expensive for the average person. What if you below average with no insurance? You might as well call Dr. Kevorkian.

Ultimate Cat Vines Compilation #1 - October 2015

LESLIE: TOO EMOTIONAL

Ladies, that's why it's hard for us to find a man: we're too emotional. We're too emotional. We're the only species that would shoot our man six times, and we would go to his funeral and be like, 'Why! Why'd he make me shoot him?'

TOWARDS AND AWAY

A fisherman and his wife had twin sons named Towards and Away.

Once the boys were grown, the fisherman took them out to sea to learn the family fishing trade.

A week later, the mother saw her husband dock the boat all alone.

"Oh no! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried.

"We were just one day out to sea, when Towards hooked a great fish. He fought long and hard, but he was pulled over the side and swallowed whole by the fish."

"Oh dear, what a huge, horrible fish that must of been!"

"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away."



Wavegod19 Vines - Meet "Homie The Tiger" like if you will have him for a pet #pet #crazy #tiger #love#cats #funny #weird
Joshua Karim - cats must hate humans so much #catsofvine #catlife #cats #funnycat
Jonisht - I can't get enough of this #cute #showering #cat of ours! #loop #funny #crazy
Pet Kingdom - Kitten stampede! #cute #adorable #kittens #stampedeofcuteness #roar #kitty
Rachel Qcumber - Thirsty, dumbass. #cat #funny #loop
ANIMALS ARE AWESOME - Biggest WTF Cat Moment EVER #cat #kitty #wtf #funny #crazycat
Funny Lip Readings - Stalker cat Voiceover by DjRizzJr - See the extended version on our Instagram: @FunnyLipReadings
Manuel Luna - DJ Cat Scratcher #dj #turntablism #cat #djjazzyjeff #BrandNewFunk #DJKozEdits
Jellebol - More!! #scottishstraight #kittensofvine #kitten #meow #rubmybelly
Vine Sepeti - Cat Pistol ahhajshahwjsj :D #vinesepeti
Samuel Grubbs - I got my cat so good with this #Meow #tb
Matt Krath - Funny cat fail. #remake #loop #cat #cute #funny #fail
Jellebol - Yes? #scottishstraight #kitten #kittensofvine #meow
John Berchtold - My cat nosy A F #cat #funny #no
Arberi Ferraj - My cat's been acting weird lately #funny #cat
Ty Christian Short - Try Not To Smile. #6secondcover #funny #awesome #sing #cat #comedy #remake
The Oreo Cat © - Mission ImPAWsible #theoreocat @MissionFilm #catsofvine #catsonvine #cats #oreo#tuxedocat
Ben Tremblay - My first interview ... #catlife
Kerem Başer - Sosyal medyaya hayvanlarla atlan fotoraflarn arka yz #catlove
Chase Osborne - When he whispers in your ear. #sloth #herbertthepervert #creepy #cat #kitten #funny#havingagoodasstime
VCLaughs - Be careful how you play with your cats (part 2)
Josh Peck - Take One More Step - Animal VoiceOver - Original Vid by Ergul #cat #animals #voiceover#funny #vinessinsentido #teamignant #funny #confident
Josh Peck - Give Me A Kiss Girl....#animalvoiceover #voiceover #cat #dog #fight #givemeakiss#niggasbelike #funny #cray
Being Latino - Cat freaked out over mask #mask #cat
jerby moro - #kitty blown away #catsofvine #catlife #catlover #cats #CatChannel
Kentrell Sampson - Just chillen with my pets, until shi* got real. #Howto #Loop #Cute #Selfie #Cats#Favthings #Remake #Funny #Trelly
Danny_Frazier_ - Scaredy cat! #Fail #funny
Abdiel Garcia - He is mad!!! SmackCam [Part 3] #comedy #cats #SmackCam #funny #fight
Jellebol - #goodmorning Mikko, you look very comfortable :D #kittensofvine #kitten #scottishstraight
Kaos Kitty - This is what happens when you stick at kitty on the couch. Kaos is on the right at 5 weeks old.
GİZEM - Mini #catlove #somuch #instagood #instalike #catlove #kitty #kitten #like #animals #istanbul#great #sugar #love
Karen Bills - #kittendreams #babycat #catlife #fluffy #CatChannel #catvines #tinykitten#sleepingcatsofvine #kitten #catlove #mumandbaby #cat #kitty
はんとふうあ - #cat #
ImBlueWhoYou - When yur cat is WWE af #wwe #cat #EditRanked
Robert Sealey - #Cat Apology... Rejected! #funny #fail
San Diego Zoo - Tail hunting is hungry work. #caturday (video by Brian Connolly)
Christa Stell - No bath for her. she let out all the water. #cat #kitten #bathtimeforcats
Matt Krath - Sail Cat! #Repost (Follow for more funny vines!)
animalz - Double tap if this is cute #animals #animal #cat #sayhi
42sugar - #cat
どんぐり - #cat
BEST VINES OF 2015 - Acrobatic cat #cat #catsbelike #cattricks #funny #cool #impressive
Jakeneutron - XD omfg!! #remix #spiderman #kitty #catattack @alexkan
Elfie & Gimli - JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. #catvine
The Oreo Cat © - Tomata Tomato #theoreocat #catsonvine #catsofvine #oreo #tuxedocat #tomato #cats
BEST VINES OF 2015 - This video expresses exactly why you love or hate cats!! Lol #cats #catsbelike#vine #funny #funnyvine
YouTube . - This cat has some serious moves!! #vine #funnyvine #catsbelike #cats #cat #funny #dance
Geeks Outside - They do this all day long #aww #SoCute #fuzzy #catfight #catfightclub #cat #kitty #kitten#cute #cats #battle
Karrie Ann - my cat is such a weirdo #Louise #animals #catsofvine #kitten
Eline Colijn - When a pillow fight gets too serious #pillowfight #pillow #fight #serious #xelinecx #catfight#Girls #funny
Kelsey - #mew #meow #kitty #cat #kitten #khaleesi #socute #adorable #totesadorbs
Nancy B - #highfive #catvines #dailypizzle #meow #kitty
guremike - #cat #hospital #examination #vineoftheday
The Oreo Cat © - Sneezing cat #theoreocat #catsonvine #catsofvine #sneeze #oreo #tuxedocat#betterwithpets
Adam Kearley - this is #loki #kitty #chasing #laserpointer #dizzy #stumbles #cute #calico #cat
Manderson - TWERK TEAM #funny #comedy #twerk #remake #loop #cats
celiza - Playing #bassethound #cat
Cheyenne The Yenne - #catfight