Q: What is the definition of a "lucky break"?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
RONDELL SHERIDAN: GAMBLING
People always get mad at the dealers. It's not the dealer's fault; it's random luck that they dealt the cards to you. You know, my guy was trying to be good. He's like, 'Hey man, you get 'em next time.' I just lost $2,000! I'm like, 'Yeah, I'll have a gun next time. We'll be playing a new game.'
JIM SHORT: JIM MORRISON'S GRAVESITE IN FRANCE
They were tired because they had to go every day and clean up the grave, clean up condoms and beer cans and bottles, needles, trash all over the place. That's what's so cool -- when you're getting kicked out for partying, and you've been dead since 1971.
ON THE CROCODILE HUNTER
The snake jumps up to bite him; he blocks it away. He looks up and he goes, 'Oh, he's grumpy today.' Yeah, he's grumpy because you're banging him in the head with a stick. That's the number one cause of grumpiness.
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