This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.
AN ODD TALE
There was once a man named Odd. People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
FROG TALK
A grandson runs up to his grandfather and asks him if he can talk like a frog.
"Of course not," says the grandfather.
A few minutes later, his granddaughter asks him the same question.
"No, of course not. Why are you both asking me this?"
The granddaughter replies, "Dad said that when you croak, we can go to Disneyland."
LOUIS RAMEY: TEXANS
They don't apologize for anything. You got a lot of guns around here? 'Yeah!' OK, that's not the response I was looking for. I hear you execute a lot of people too? 'Yeah!' Alright, I'm outta here.
THREE NUNS GET QUIZZED IN HEAVEN
Three nuns die and go to heaven, but all must answer one question to get in.
The first nun is asked, "Who was the first man on Earth?" She says, "Adam." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.
The second nun is asked, "Who was the first woman on Earth?" She says, "Eve." Lights flash and the gates open.
The third nun is asked, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" Puzzled, the nun is says, "Hmmm, that's a hard one." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.
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