Ridiculous cats mating and fighting 2016 ( Loudly )

A FATHER'S LAST REQUEST

PreviousNext
A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.
The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."
With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."


LAST MUSICAL REQUEST

PreviousNext
The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.

As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead.

The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall... ."


MIKE RICCA: PORTRAYING ITALIANS

PreviousNext
You see all these mafia movies; Italians are always portrayed as angry, violent people. That's not right. As far as we Italians are concerned -- hey, listen, we don't hurt people, but people get hurt, you know? Accidents happen! You walk outside, trip and fall on an ice pick, six or seven times, you know? Right away, they blame Vinny. That's not right.

Furious Cats Attacking Dogs!!!

RIDDLE: THE MAN

PreviousNext
A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor. Every morning, on the way to work, he takes the elevator all the way down to the 1st floor. But when he comes home, he takes the elevator to the 8th floor and walks the rest of the way up. The only exception is when it's raining. Why?
The man's a midget, and can't reach the buttons. When it's raining, he has his umbrella with him, so he can reach the 15 button with it.

MICHAEL COLYAR: ON THE L.A. RIOTS

PreviousNext
All my friends, we was ready for the second riot. No, not like the first one, where we were just grabbing stuff at random -- it wouldn't be like that. I've got a thousand boxes of Pampers; I don't know what I'm going to do with it. No, no, this time we had a list. We were going to get the stuff we need. Everybody on my block has bought a U-Haul.


MARK BRAZILL: L.A. RIOTS

PreviousNext
I'll tell you how bad it was in Los Angeles during the riots -- people were actually flooding into Tijuana. That's how bad it was.


ROBOT BOOTY CALL... ANGEL

PreviousNext
Am I dead, Angel? Because this must be Heaven. Of course, I am a machine and therefore do not experience death.

Cat Attacks a Chow Chow Dog | Stray Dog Attacks a Feral Cat

ROGER RITTENHOUSE: FIVE PACKS A DAY
I've got a friend who smokes five packs a day. He has to wear nicotine slacks. He says he's afraid to quit because he might get heavy. If he doesn't quit, there will be six friends going, 'Boy, he is heavy.'


RODNEY LANEY: EMERGENCY ROOM
And let me tell you something -- if you go to the emergency room and you've got a knife still stuck in your head, you go to the front of the line. You're next. 'Excuse me. I ain't got time to fill out no forms.'


SABRINA MATTHEWS: REFUSING AIRPLANE RESTROOMS
I refuse to go to the bathroom on an airplane because if I'm gonna die in a cartwheeling ball of flames, it is not gonna be in a flying outhouse with my pants around my ankles.

BILL SANTIAGO: ASS-KICKING FROM JESUS
One time, I got beat up by a kid named Jesus. And when you're seven, you can't tell the difference between Jesus, typical Puerto Rican name in your neighborhood, and Jesus, the actual savior. So I was walking around all confused -- you know, guilty. What had I done that the Lord would send his only begotten son down to Brooklyn to kick my ass?

♦♦ Furious cats attacking dogs ♦♦

ROBERT SCHIMMEL: IDENTIFIED BY DENTAL RECORDS
You know what's weird about plane crashes is that you watch it on the news and they say the people have to be identified by their dental records. 'Cause if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

DAVID FELDMAN: GRANDMOTHER IN MEDICAL SCHOOL
My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school. She's a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest.

ERIC KORNFELD: ALL THE KIDS AT SCHOOL
I wouldn't go to school. I thought all the kids at school were going to beat me up, which is absurd. They couldn't all beat me up -- someone had to hold me down.

LESTER BARRIE: HATED TO SEE MY MOTHER COMING
I got whupped so much, sometimes I hated to see my mother coming. I'm having fun with my brothers, my sisters, my friends -- my mother pulls up, and I'm thinking, 'Dang! Why she keep coming here? Can't she just drop off the food and stay at work?'

KJELL BJORGEN: ATTENTION-SEEKING KIDS
When they're nine years old, they have an attention-seeking constitution that is relentless... Honestly, it makes you want to drive drunk on Halloween. Look at Superman fly!

Startled Cats Compilation

SENSITIVE BEER

Three hicks were working on a telephone tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.

Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'."

She said, "No, I'm not a widow!"

And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.