A lawyer dies and goes to the end of a long line at the Pearly Gates. To his surprise, St. Peter leaves his desk, walks over and greets him warmly. An angel takes the lawyer by the hand, guides him to the front of the line and settles him into a comfortable chair.
The lawyer says, "I appreciate all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replies, "Well, we've added up all the hours that you billed your clients, and by my calculation, you must be about 193 years old!"
NATHAN TRENHOLM: PENIS NICKNAMES
A lot of guys have nicknames for their penises, and I was recently given a nickname for mine from a woman while she was giving me oral sex. She named it The Inhaler. At least, that's what I thought she was naming it. It turns out she was asthmatic, and it's my fault she died.
NATHAN TRENHOLM: STAYING OUT OF IT
I was at the mall with my grandmother, and there were these two giant thugs in front of us. And one of them turns to the other and starts bragging about how, earlier in the week, he had robbed a convenience store and was stomping on the cashier's head. At this point, my grandmother turns to me and says loud enough for him to hear, 'We should report him.' That's when my quick wit and intellect kicks in, and I realize I need to make sure that he does not think that we are talking about him. So I turn to my grandmother, and I say, 'Bitch, I don't know you.'
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